Ghosts, whether it be lost friends or even lost enemies, are remnants of a lived life. As we pass through this life, we collect them. Sometimes we try to not lose people important to us, so that we do not have any. Sometimes there are so many ghosts they could fill a house. Most of the time, we do not have a real choice. Situations occur every day that will eventually influence how many ghosts we collect.
Tag Archive: narcissism
There are two new words in my vocabulary since my post of Two Lost Boys – parental alienation. I find that I fall into this category now that I have read some other blogs around the subject. I have realised I am not alone in my predicament, but to just read some of these other stories of where one parent has forcibly denied any real access to the children for the other parent is cruel, utterly cruel.
Here is a link to one such story.
The Lost Promise of Fatherhood. Please Read More
As I said there are many. In fact, there are really too bloody many people that have been robbed of the promise of fatherhood or motherhood, but this one touched me as I could see that this is where my life would have gone. The mother would have badgered, bullied and manipulated the two boys into seeing me as the enemy.
I do not feel a kinship around this subject as I have never broached the topic on such a scale before, but I have a feeling that there is a world of support out there. I just need to open my mind, heart and arms to them and I will find acceptance.
I have been unfortunate enough to have seen some trouble in my life, as I think most of us have. But the consequences of these times of troubles can be quite devestating as I found out. I know that this post is going to be flamed from a couple of different people, but that is what blogging is about. Apart from that, those flamers have paid out on me enough by now anyway.
I was married and during that marriage we had two wonderful boys. They were the light of my life, the apples of my eye, but because of my own stupidity I have lost all rights to them. I do not see them, hear from them, know what they look like, or even where they live anymore. That is not to say that I don’t want to see them. Every day I think about them, miss them and most likely mourn them.
My ex-wife, in her infinite wisdom, decided that because of my mistake I should not have any access to them at all. That was one of the nastiest things that has happened to me. I did not get a chance to fight the case and as a result I lost almost every material asset that I had. Over time that concerns me less as I now know that I do not need the material stuff.
A piece of my heart is missing, and will be missing until I see those two little boys again. The sad thing is that next time they might not be little. When I last saw them they were only 7 and 4. They have a lifetime of growing up to do, and now it will be without me.
I am now re-married to the most wonderful woman I have ever met. She is my rock, my muse, my soul. She has saved me, was there for me during the worst of those troubling times. She has kept me sane. Almost every day she sees my sadness and every day she tells me that it is time to put on the gloves and fight for my boys.
But every day I grow more hesitant about doing it. I remember my littlest boy looking at me strangely enough after an extended stay away from the house. So how would it be after almost two years of not seeing me?
My real hope is time will heal old wounds, and that I will be smiled upon by someone up there and they will come back to me. I am as lost as those boys are. I really do not know which way to turn anymore.